Part of the Family
by melanie39
Summary: Caleb's revelation has turned Kirsten's world on its head. How will she handle the news that her adopted son is dating her sister?
1. Default Chapter

O.K. I know Kirsten seems a little out of character in this story but I wanted to explore the effect Caleb's revelation has had upon her. This was inspired by the promos for this week's O.C. episode (episode 7, January 6th 2005).

Part of the Family

Ryan sat with his feet dangling over the edge of the boardwalk. His breathing was rapid, his whole body shaking. He fumbled to light the cigarette with his trembling hands, hampered more by the breeze blowing across from the ocean. He cupped his hand protectively around the naked flame and finally it lit. He took a long deep drag, deep into his lungs. Even a year after quitting, one drag could calm him almost instantaneously.

He still couldn't quite believe what had happened. In an instant, he had been transported back to his mother's house, to the yelling and cursing and threatening. In an instant, his relationship with Kirsten had been ripped apart. He couldn't believe how angry she'd been. He couldn't believe how she'd screamed at him. And most of all, he thought bitterly, he couldn't believe how he'd allowed himself to be in this position again. He might have known it couldn't last. He might have known he'd screw it up. He chewed his lip as he sat brooding, staring unseeing, out to sea. In the whole time he'd lived at the Cohens', Kirsten had never raised her voice to him. He wasn't sure he'd even heard her raise her voice to Seth. Even during the whole Oliver debacle, her voice had always been the voice of reason, the voice of calm. But finally he'd done it. His behavior had pushed her over the edge and Ryan was sure he knew what the outcome would be. He'd been stupid to think it could be any other way. Drop your guard for just a minute and something will come along to smack you back down where you belong.

"What the hell is going on Ryan? Did our conversation at breakfast mean nothing to you? What in God's name were you thinking? She's almost your aunt for God's sake!" Kirsten stood, hands on hips, her face full of disbelief and incomprehension.

_Ryan stood stock still, shocked at the depth of Kirsten's anger. His face mirrored the confusion he was feeling inside. He knew he should have been more careful about having Lindsay over, considering what Sandy had said this morning about keeping the fact that he was dating her under wraps for a while. Kirsten had still been under the impression that they were simply lab partners, working on a vacation assignment together. But still, he reasoned, she could have knocked, and anyway, was it really such a big deal? It wasn't like they were really related. _

_He looked across at her as her ranting came to an end. He had never seen her so angry. It was a big deal to her. He could see that now. He just didn't know why. _

_Ryan swallowed and wrapped his arms around himself tightly. His eyes betrayed his desperation. _

"_Kirsten, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have. It's just…you were so upset already I …" Ryan ran out of words and looked pleadingly at Sandy for help._

"_Kirsten honey, we all agreed it would be better if you didn't know, give you and Lindsay some time to mull things over before adding in any other complications. It's just as much my fault as Ryan's. Don't take it out on him." Sandy attempted to put his hands on Kirsten's shoulders and calm his wife down. She shook him off angrily and turned on him._

"_You all decided it was better that I didn't know? Who gave _you_ the right to make those decisions? Haven't people been keeping me in the dark for long enough? It's not enough that my own father has been lying to me for sixteen years, my husband and kids just have to join in?" _

_Seth and Sandy looked at each other shamefacedly. Ryan studied the floor._

"_Mom, please."_

"_Keep out of this Seth. It has nothing to do with you." _

_Seth nodded and looked down at his feet. His mother rarely got angry but this Chrismukkah it was beginning to become the norm. Seth was scared. His mother was furious at Ryan, and Ryan appeared distraught. He wasn't quite sure what had happened in the Pool house, from where they'd both emerged, Kirsten first, rapidly followed by Ryan in a somewhat disheveled state, but whatever it was, the repercussions were explosive. _

_Kirsten turned back to Ryan and regarded him coldly. _

"_Apart from anything else young man, I can't believe you've forgotten how you spent this summer and what put you in that position."_

_Ryan didn't dare look up at Kirsten. He guessed he deserved that. It must have looked bad. Him with no shirt on sprawled on top of Lindsay who wore not much more. O.K, so Lindsay and he hadn't crossed the line just yet but it was easy to see why Kirsten might think they had. His eyes darted across to Sandy._

_Sandy interjected quickly, grasping fully what must have just happened in the Pool house. _

"_Kirsten that isn't fair. Ryan's not the problem here."_

"_Ryan's behavior is a problem," she answered. _

_Sandy screwed his face up in disbelief. This wasn't the Kirsten he knew. Kirsten in her right mind would never speak to Ryan like this. He shook his head, perplexed and at a loss for words. _

_Ryan looked up at her, struggling to keep his emotions in check. Their eyes locked for a split second before he looked away and left the kitchen, slamming the door behind him loudly. _

_Sandy glanced out of the window just in time to see Ryan pull on his black hoody and head off down the hill on his bike._

_He turned on Kirsten._

" _I hope to God you're satisfied Kirsten. He's seventeen years old. You're an adult." His voice was bitter and resentful. _

_Kirsten looked visibly shaken but stayed silent, refusing to meet his eyes._

_With that, Sandy turned and left. _

tbc


	2. Chapter Two

Kirsten reached into the cupboard and pulled out a large wine glass. Deftly she uncorked a bottle of merlot and filled her glass to the brim. Her hands shook as she lifted it to herlips and took a long, deep gulp. The warm, velvety liquid slid easily down her throat. Her heart beat rapidly inside her chest as she fought to ignore the visions flying through her mind; her mother and father laughing together on the beach whilst she and Hailey rushed excitedly in and out of the waves, her mother, pale, sick and dying in the hospital, her father with Renee holding clandestine meetings and illicit phone calls, Caleb's stark revelation in the kitchen at Chrismukkah, Ryan and Lindsay, hot and breathless in the pool house. Her thoughts were all a jumble; one painful memory followed another in rapid succession. How had she never known? Had Hailey ever guessed? What had her mother done when she found out? Kirsten felt sick to her stomach when she thought about the suffering her father must have put her mother through.

She refilled her near empty glass and reflected on the past sixteen years. If Lindsay was sixteen, then that made her the same age as Seth. That meant that Renee had been pregnant at the same time as herself, that this woman had been carrying her father's child at exactly the time she, Kirsten, had been carrying his grandchild. He must really be a cold-hearted bastard to have managed to hold himself together and reject Lindsay at the very time a new life had come into their family. Hadn't he hurt every time he saw Seth as a baby? Hadn't it been like rubbing salt in a wound? Did he really care so little about his own flesh and blood? But, Kirsten thought ruefully, he would have considered it protecting his family, protecting her mother, even though it was pretty obvious the only person he'd been protecting was himself. She was curious to know how her mother had handled it. Had she yelled and thrown vases? Had she threatened to kick him out?

Whatever she'd done, she'd done a damn good job at hiding the hurt from her elder daughter. Kirsten had never suspected a thing was wrong with her mother's life. When Seth had been born, she'd doted on him, spent long stretches of time in Berkeley with him and Kirsten while Kirsten had been off work, bought him lavish gifts, showered him in affection. And then when Kirsten had returned to work, she'd traveled up almost every week and looked after him until she'd fallen sick and they'd moved closer to be near her.

And now her father had succeeded in wrecking the rest of his own and someone else's family, not to mention causing her to lash out at the one person in her family who least deserved it.

Kirsten sighed heavily and emptied the remainder of the bottle into her glass.

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Seth tried hard to concentrate on ninjas, really he did, but even though the yelling in the kitchen had ceased, a huge tense cloud still hung over the house. He desperately wanted to go in there and help Ryan out, after all, he was as much to blame as his father for encouraging Ryan to keep his relationship with Lindsay quiet from his Mom. From Kirsten's comments, it was clear to Seth that she had found them in a position which left the nature of their relationship in no doubt. What was it with his mother? Couldn't she ever remember to knock? Knocking would save her from a whole lot of trauma. And really, what was the big deal anyway? It wasn't like they were actually related. He did feel bad though. He'd walked out of the room and left Ryan to face her without him. He should have stayed and tried to support him. He was relieved to hear his father trying to make her see sense. At least Ryan had someone watching his back…

Seth pressed "pause" on the PS controller when he saw his father enter the room. He looked up at him, his brown eyes troubled.

"I figured it was best if I left you guys to it…" he began tentatively.

Sandy nodded and sat down wearily, running his hands through his mop of black hair. Seth had not seen his father look this helpless since trying to communicate with Ryan during the whole Oliver debacle. His Dad always wanted to help, to reach out to people who were hurting, but he knew he'd found Ryan to be like a brick wall, immovable and solid, impossible to break down. Was this how his mother was too, when she was pushed over the edge? He'd had so little experience in seeing his mother this upset, he realized he had no idea how to handle it and he suspected his father knew little better.

"Dad? Did Ryan go back to the pool house?"

Sandy looked over at his son, as if surprised by his presence.

"No…. no, he left, on his bike." He stared at the motionless TV screen, silent, unblinking.

Seth shifted uncomfortably where he stood. He was unsure what he should do. He was torn between wanting to race out and track down Ryan before he could do something stupid, and staying here to support his parents.

"And Mom?"

Sandy snapped himself out of his trance. He gestured his head towards the door. "In thekitchen," and after a brief pause he added, "I think we should leave her be a while. She has a lot to think about."

Seth didn't miss the bitterness that crept into his father's voice. He felt his blood run cold.

He hated it when his parents had these stand offs. He hadn't forgotten last year when his father's firm had gone head to head with The Newport Group. The atmosphere had been so tense you could almost have touched it. But this was different. This was worse. Seth knew his father was struggling to understand how his mother could have spoken to Ryan like that, to have driven him from the house knowing how insecure he was, knowing what he'd been through with his own mother. But he knew he was also cursing himself inside for having suggested that Ryan keep quiet about his relationship with Lindsay.

"What about Ryan, Dad? You know he won't be taking this well…"

"I know Seth, I know." Sandy's voice sounded exhausted, "What he really needs is for your mother to go and speak to him, try to apologise. But in her present state, I don't think that would be such a good idea."

"So…should I go try and find him?"

"I should really go but…." Sandy considered.

"I know Dad, you don't want to leave Mom."

Sandy looked over at Seth with an expression of hopelessness.

"Poor kid. He just starts to feel part of our family, let his guard down and this happens. He didn't deserve to be spoken to like that, but your Mom, she just…. isn't herself. I don't know what we're gonna do. Your Grandfather has so much to answer for." Sandy cursed, shaking his head in despair.

"I'm sure Ryan will understand, Dad."

"Will he? I'm not so sure. I know if it was _you_ she'd yelled at, you'd have been angry at first, sure, but you'd have brushed it off, knowing full well how she feels about you. But I'm not sure Ryan will be able to do that. We have to remember, she's _not_ his mother and it'll be harder for him to accept that what she said and did has _nothing_ to do with him and all to do with her father. He mightn't be able to see that he and Lindsay just happened to be the trigger."

Seth nodded. He knew what his father was saying.

Sandy sighed heavily and reflected on the mess that had become his family. He knew Ryan would be blaming himself for not being honest with Kirsten but he also knew he'd be hurting from the way she spoke to him. Sandy understood only too well how this would seem to Ryan. He'd put his trust in Kirsten. She was like the mother he'd never had. And now she'd turned on him, like all the other adults in his life had. He wouldn't be able to see past the accusations and the yelling because that was what he'd been used to and when people had yelled that he was useless or good for nothing or told him they wanted him gone, they'd meant it.

Sandy dug into his pockets and pulled out the keys to the rover.

"Here, take the keys, try and find him, try to get him to come home. Tell him….well,you'll know what to tell him."

They hugged each other tightly, each trying to draw strength from the other, acknowledging that they were both out of their depth.

As soon as his son had gone, Sandy got up and moved silently towards the kitchen. He stood in the doorway and saw his wife of eighteen years sitting motionless, eyes red rimmed with tears, cradling her empty glass. His heart lurched for her. He walked over to her and took her shoulders firmly in his hands. Her body heaved silently as she turned to bury her face in his chest.

tbc


	3. chapter three

Thanks to everyone for the reviews....

Part of the Family – Chapter Three

As dusk drew in, a thick sea mist rolled in from the ocean, cloaking Newport in a damp, gray blanket. The Christmas lights, still strung up along the pier and outside restaurants, struggled to twinkle through the gloom. Ryan pulled his knees up to his chest and pulled his hoody closer around his body as he fought to keep the cold from seeping through to his bones. He wished he'd grabbed more than just his jacket and bike when he fled the Cohens'. He had no money, no food and no phone but he didn't yet feel desperate enough to return. He wasn't ready to face Kirsten just yet. His own anger had turned to guilt in the last few hours. No wonder she'd been so pissed off with him, he'd deceived her, as good as lied to her.

His stomach was clenched in a tight knot as he relived the scene in the kitchen over and over again. Her voice, angry, hurt and disappointed all at the same time, whirled around his head unremittingly. Kirsten had been more of a mother to him than his own mother and he'd repaid her like this. He knew he'd lost her trust and her respect and he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to earn it back. Kirsten wasn't normally the sort to make snap decisions or quick judgments. She'd taken weeks to accept him into her home. She'd been generous with her time, with her money, with her support, but he'd felt for a long time that she'd been watching him, just waiting for him to screw up so she could say to Sandy that they'd made a huge mistake and he should go back to juvie. For a long time he'd felt like he was living on a knife-edge. Only when they'd stuck by him after he was suspended from school did he begin to relax. And when Kirsten had pulled him into that hug when he left for Chino, he'd crumbled inside, knowing that he meant as much to her as she meant to him. But now he'd taken all of that and trashed it, as Sandy would say. He'd fucked it all up because he couldn't keep his hands off a girl.

He sighed and lit another cigarette.

Suddenly, a warm hand touched his shoulder. He swung round, alarmed. Seth stood behind him, his face pinched with anxiety. He'd obviously been searching for Ryan for quite a while as the damp air had turned his normally tousled hair into a mass of tight curls.

"Hey Buddy!"

"Hey!" Ryan nodded back, his eyes wary. He scooted along the bench to make room for Seth to join him. Both boys sat silently for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"You know she didn't mean it right?" Seth began.

"Then why'd she say it?" Ryan questioned. He looked straight at Seth, eyebrows raised, eyes stony.

Seth dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans in an effort to keep them warm and to buy himself some time while he thought of a reply.

He looked sideways at his friend.

"Because she's pissed off with Grandpa?" he finally responded.

"If she's pissed off with your Grandpa then why wasn't she yelling at _him_?"

Ryan began to chew the inside of his cheek, his eyes despondent. Seth knew this look well. This was the Ryan Atwood Oliver Brood.

Ryan sighed and turned to Seth, his eyes dark with anger.

"Look Seth, she's pissed off with _me_ O.K? She's pissed off because she thought I was banging her new sister. And, lets face it, I can't blame her. Not after what happened with Theresa and _especially_ not after that conversation we had this morning at breakfast. I should have been straight with her there and then. I should have told her that Lindsay and I had been dating and asked her if she was O.K. with it."

"Well….she'll get over it. I mean, technically you've done nothing wrong. It's not as if she's actually related to you."

Ryan turned on Seth, his blue eyes flashing dangerously.

"Seth! This is your Mom's _sister _we're talking about. How would _you_ feel, if it was yoursister? Especially if I'd deliberately not told you," he added, almost inaudibly.

"Well, quite obviously I'd have to punch you…" Seth began. Ryan's eyebrows shot up mockingly at this.

"Well, O.K, maybe not punch you but certainly do something to show my displeasure, maybe take away your wrist cuff or hide your Physics book.." he ended feebly.

Ryan let a small smile escape his lips, the tension between them lifting momentarily.

"But look Dude, this isn't the same thing, really it's not. She didn't even know she _had_ a sister until, like, a week ago. I'm telling you man, she's mad at the Big Chief, not you. It just so happened that seeing you with Lindsay unleashed the Beast."

Ryan shook his head helplessly. He wanted to believe what Seth was saying but he didn't, not for a minute.

He looked across at Seth as his friend stood idly kicking a loose stone along the sidewalk.

"I'm sorry Seth, but there's more to it than that. I lied to her, well, as good as lied. I hate being lied to. I'm sure your Mom feels just the same."

"She's used to it dude. Remember the Imax incident and the TJ incident and the…"

Ryan fixed him with a glare and Seth shut up.

"I should have been straight with her. I should have just told her, or called a halt to Lindsay and me. After all your Mom's done for me Seth, I deceived her. I can't blame her for being mad. I've let her down in the worst way."

"Have you called her?" Seth asked tentatively.

"Who, your Mom?"

"No! No point doing that at the moment anyway," Seth babbled, "she's a little…out of it. No, I meant Lindsay."

Ryan winced at the thought of having driven Kirsten to the bottle. Memories of his mother screaming at him as she slugged from an open bottle of vodka shot through his mind. How had he managed to turn Seth's mother into a copy of his own?

He turned to answer Seth's question.

"No, she left straight after Kirsten found us and I haven't really had a chance. I left my phone at home," he answered absently.

"Home, yes! Where we should really be right now."

Seth took his chance while he had it. He needed to persuade Ryan to come home before they were both found, cold and stiff behind the lifeguard tower, dead from exposure.

"Come on buddy. Enough with the brooding already. You and Mom can sort this out tomorrow, come home with me."

Seth began to search in his pockets for the car keys.

"Seth. I …can't. I just….I really need to think this through, figure some stuff out,you know? Before I see your Mom?" He looked pleadingly at Seth.

Seth sighed, his shoulders sinking with defeat.

"You can't stay out here all night Ryan, you'll freeze."

"I promise I won't stay out all night O.K? Just go home and I'll see you in the morning." He spoke firmly to Seth, leaving the other boy in no doubt of his decision.

"What am I supposed to tell my Dad? He'll freak out."

Ryan knew Seth was right. He'd already fucked up with Kirsten; he needed at least to keep things right with Sandy.

"Give me your phone. Tell him I'll call him within the next couple hours OK?"

Seth seemed satisfied with that and handed over his cell phone and a fifty-dollar bill.

"Alright man. I'll leave you to it then…."

They looked across at each other awkwardly.

"Yeah…and thanks Seth, for…. well, thanks."

Seth nodded, his head dropping slightly as he studied the concrete of the sidewalk.

"See ya," he murmured.

"See ya." Ryan turned and headed off towards the Crab shack.

Ryan hesitated at the door of the Crab Shack. He had Seth's fifty dollars in his pocket. He could either buy a decent meal here or he could spend it on beer and get very drunk, very quickly. Suddenly, the idea of obliterating today's events sounded very inviting. He turned on his heel and headed away from the restaurant towards the local liquor store, where he and Seth had once bought some beer, with no questions asked, for one of Holly's parties earlier that year.

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The alcohol flooded through his body quickly. After eighteen months of being virtually tee- total, it didn't take much to get the desired effect. The pain of today's events dulled as he became more and more light headed.

Suddenly he was filled with a burning desire to see Lindsay, to have her hug him and tell him everything would be O.K, smother his face in her gentle kisses.

He pulled himself up from the sand where he'd lain for the last half hour and walked slowly and deliberately up the steps to the road. He thought about Lindsay and his heart gave a lurch. God, she was beautiful. He knew _she_ didn't think so but _he_ thought she was. Not in a super model sort of way or a prom queen sort of way, but there was just something about her, something which shone through and made her one of the most attractive girls he'd ever met. And man, she looked hot today in school, in that blue wonder bra top thing that left not much to the imagination. He didn't think she had any idea how much she turned him on. He only needed to catch a glimpse of her in the halls and his dick would twitch. Come to think of it, his dick was twitching now.

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He stood unsteadily on the doorstep, searching for the bell. Unable to locate it, he knocked heavily on the door.

"I'll get it Mom," he heard Lindsay call inside the house. He pulled himself up straight and tried to look as though he had not drunk eight bottles of beer in quick succession.

"Ryan? Come in. I hadn't expected to see _you_ again today. Figured you'd be grounded at the very least. I tried to call you," she added reproachfully.

"Yeah….I left the house earlier without my phone," he answered vaguely.

Lindsay shot him a look. Something about Ryan seemed slightly off…

Ryan tried hard to focus on Lindsay's face. Failing that, he lurched forward and planted a wet kiss, deep on her lips.

Lindsay's nose wrinkled with distaste.

"Ryan, have you been drinking?"

"I just had a couple a beers," he answered defensively, pulling her into the house.

"A couple?" she replied dubiously, following him in.

He swung round and grabbed the back of her head, pulling her into his body. He pressed his lips to hers, his mouth slightly open, his tongue probing her gently.

"Ryan, you're drunk. And you stink of cigarettes," Lindsay recoiled, as she tried to push him away.

"Oh come on Lindsay," leered Ryan. "I thought we could finish what we started earlier…" as he pulled her over to the couch. They landed clumsily. Ryan leant forward across Lindsay, the weight of his body resting on her chest. He kissed her again, his lips crushed to hers, his cheek, rough with stubble, grazing against her. He smelt strongly of beer and smoke and the ocean.

"God, Lindsay. I really want to see you naked…." he breathed into her ear.

"Ryan!" She was slightly shocked at Ryan's comment but somehow she couldn't bring herself to pull away. Her heart began to race inside her chest, the thudding almost audible.

His free hand snaked up inside her blouse and his fingers slipped easily inside her bra. Lindsay let out an involuntary moan as he began to tease her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He pushed against her, the hardness in his jeans pressing onto her pelvis. The throbbing between her legs grew stronger as he fumbled to release the top button of her jeans. Dammit, she thought, he was one hell of a sexy drunk…

Lindsay took a deep breath as she fought to regain some control over the situation, trying to push his hands away from her body.

"Ryan, my Mom's here," she muttered breathlessly as she lost the battle to keep his hand out of her jeans. Her body wilted with pleasure and desire.

"Let's go to your room then…" he panted, as his fingers laced their way through her panties.

"No," she responded, finally mustering all her strength to move him off of her.

"This is all wrong Ryan. We can't do this, not now, not like this…"

He scowled as he rolled away from her. Girls could be such prick teasers. Turned out Lindsay was just as bad as Marissa.

He stood up and adjusted his pants. He glared down at Lindsay.

"O.K. Lindsay," he said venomously, "You've made your feelings pretty clear. See ya!"

"Ryan, you need to go home. Go home and sober up and we'll talk about this in the morning…."

"Yeah right. One more talk to look forward to…"

He turned and yanked open the front door, slamming it behind him as he left.

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He pulled open the door to The Crab Shack and blinked rapidly as the lights from the restaurant assaulted his eyes. He ordered a cup of coffee and a burger. Lindsay had been right; he needed to sober up, and quickly. He was already regretting his visit _and_ the beer.

He hoped she would forgive him for his behavior towards her. He sighed. Yet another thing to be sorry about.

His coffee arrived swiftly and he cupped his hands around the mug to warm his fingers. Despite it only being a short walk from Lindsay's, the air was still very cold and his thin hoody had done nothing to keep him warm. Still, he mused, the fresh air had at least helped clear his head. Now all he needed was some food to soak up the excess alcohol and he should be able to speak coherently to Sandy. He glanced at his watch. He'd told Seth he'd call his father in a couple of hours. It was almost that time now. He was glad to see his burger arrive; he could eat and then call.

Just as he'd finished his burger, Seth's phone started vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out and flipped it open.

"Hey kid!"

"Hey Sandy. I was just about to call you…"

"Right, I believe you!" Sandy chuckled.

"No really I was. Listen Sandy, I'm gonna stay the night with a friend OK, if that's alright with you?"

"This friend isn't a park bench is it?"

Ryan smiled. Sandy knew him too well.

"No. I promise, it's a real life human being. Please Sandy, trust me on this. I just want a bit more time to think and you know once I get home…"

"Yeah kid, I know, Seth'll be bugging you and I'll be bugging you and….and Ryan look, I _do_ trust you OK?"

"Yeah, I know, and thanks, you know, for everything…"

"I want you back here first thing in the morning OK? And kid, you know…Kirsten's feeling really bad…"

Ryan sighed. He didn't want to talk about this now. He was too tired.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?" he replied.

"Sure kid. Tomorrow then…"

Ryan shut off the phone and tucked it back in the back pocket of his jeans. He threw some notes on the table for the waiter and walked out of the Crab Shack.

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He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Can I come in?" he asked quietly.

"Sure…."

He shut the door carefully behind him.

tbc


	4. Chapter Four

Thanks for all the reviews....

Part of the Family Chapter Four

"Who let you in?" Marissa asked curiously.

"The maid," he replied.

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah…no…not really…."

He shook his head, confused.

"You look like hell!" she commented.

"Thanks," he smiled, nodding nervously, his hands thrust in his pockets. He wasn't quite sure why he'd come here. Well, actually he was. Marissa was the only person he knew in Newport who he knew wouldn't have their parents snooping around to send him packing back to the Cohens'. He'd overheard Kirsten telling Sandy that Caleb had taken Julie away for a five-night break to the Montage Hotel. Besides, despite their history, he and Marissa had managed to form a fragile friendship over the last few months and he knew she wouldn't ask too many questions. She knew him too well.

She studied him carefully. He had that look in his eyes, that hurt, disappointed look. Last year it would have been either his mother or herself to have caused that look. She wondered what had happened.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked.

"No, not really. I just, well, I know your Mom and Caleb are out of town for a few days and I was hoping I could, you know, crash…"

Marissa eyed him speculatively. Something really bad must have happened if he wanted to stay here, with her, but she knew better than to push it.

"You can stay here…I have a date with DJ though…"

"Hey, I don't want to ruin your plans or anything. I was just hoping maybe I could get a shower and then some sleep…"

She nodded.

"Well, you can have Caitlin's room, the bed's all made up."

"I thought she was home for the holidays?"

"She is, but my Mom palmed her off on my Grandma while she's away. Apparently I can't be trusted to look after her," she added dryly.

Ryan smirked. He wouldn't want an alcoholic sister to baby-sit for him either if he was twelve. He already knew, that was no fun.

He continued to stand awkwardly, looking around her room, idly comparing it to the one Seth and Summer had fixed up at Jimmy's place. Marissa interrupted his thoughts.

"Look, I really have to go. Are you sure you'll be OK?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Have fun with DJ," he answered, "And don't drink too much!" he added mentally.

"Thanks."

She grabbed her purse off the bed and pulled on a jacket.

"There's fresh towels in the laundry room down the hall and um, if you want anything to eat, just help yourself…" She waved vaguely in the direction of downstairs.

"I may not be back till…late," she added.

Ryan looked at her, eyebrows raised, and nodded. Obviously DJ was having more success with her than he'd ever had.

"That's OK, I'll be fine. Hey…and thanks. I just really needed some peace and quiet."

"Yeah, and you won't get that while Seth's around huh?" They both laughed.

"I'll see ya…"

Ryan nodded.

As soon as Marissa had left, he went in search of a towel and a bathroom. Eventually he found one, a room bigger, it seemed, than the whole of his house in Chino. It was almost obscene. He turned on the shower and waited for the jets of water to warm up. He stripped off his jeans, shirt and beater. He stepped out of his boxers and opened the shower door. The wave of steam hit him and he stepped under the powerful stream of water. He shut his eyes and let the water run over his head and trickle down his body, warming his muscles and refreshing his tired body. He hadn't realized how exhausted he felt until this point. His head had begun to ache dully. It would be easier, he thought, to curl up and die now, in this warm, womb like state, and forget about the talks he'd have to face tomorrow; the talk with Lindsay to apologise for his behavior, the talk with Sandy when he would no doubt be grounded for staying out all night, the talk with Seth wanting to know every detail of his escapade, but most of all the talk with Kirsten, when he'd have to look at her again and see the disappointment in her eyes. He sighed. He supposed it really wouldn't be fair for Caitlin to have to find a dead body in her shower. The girl had enough problems in her life.

He switched off the shower and grabbed the towel. He rubbed his hair with it and then wrapped it around his hips. He wandered over to a cabinet and rifled through it. He knew by now that all good Newport hostesses would have a stash of toiletries for overnight guests, sudden or otherwise. He found some anti perspirant and sprayed it on. He looked down at his clothes. He didn't really want to put them back on, they were grubby and smelt of smoke, but he didn't really have a choice, not unless he wanted to put on Caleb's clothes. As Summer would say, "Ew!" He pulled on his boxers and wife beater.

He walked down the hall and found Caitlin's bedroom. He smiled as he looked around. Her taste for horses had certainly not abated since she'd been away at school; the walls were covered with rosettes and other horsy paraphernalia and her riding clothes lay strewn in a corner along with a riding hat and crop. Ryan rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. He was so tired he just wanted to head straight for bed. He couldn't even be bothered to clean his teeth. He threw down his dirty clothes on the floor and pulled back the covers on the bed. He curled up under the comforter, his eyes closing almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sandy snuck his head around the bedroom door. Seeing his wife sleeping, he moved over to her and sat on the edge of the bed. He gently moved a wisp of hair from across her face. She stirred, rolled over and opened her eyes.

"Sorry honey, I didn't mean to wake you…"

"What time is it?" she asked, slightly disorientated.

"After eleven," he replied. "You've been asleep most of the evening."

Kirsten sat up gingerly. Her head was pounding.

"Here…"

He handed her a cup of steaming coffee. She accepted it gratefully and propped herself up against the pillows.

"Is…is Ryan back?" she asked tentatively.

Sandy did his best to put on a reassuring 'I'm completely in charge of the situation' voice.

"He just called. He's asked to stay at a friend's house for the night."

Kirsten's face dropped and her eyes began to fill. She stared down into the muddy liquid in her mug and sniffed.

"Oh my God Sandy. What have I done to him that he feels he can't come home?"

Sandy pulled her into his arms.

"He knows he can come home Kirsten. He just wants a little 'away' time, clear his head. You know what he's like. He's used to handling things himself, in his own way. We can't change how he reacts to situations like this overnight."

"There wouldn't be a 'situation like this' if I'd kept my mouth shut." Kirsten answered bitterly.

"Ryan's gonna be fine, Kirsten,"

"You don't _know _that Sandy. You don't know _what_ he's thinking. The poor kid. He must feel so let down."

Kirsten pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them, her face etched with worry.

"I need to go to him, apologise. Try to make him understand that I didn't mean what I said, that I was angry with my father, with the situation, not with him, not with Lindsay…"

She made motions as if to get up.

"You're not going anywhere tonight," Sandy said firmly. "You're emotionally over wrought and so is he. You can talk in the morning, after you've both had a good night's sleep."

"I'm sure I won't be sleeping at all, knowing he's under someone else's roof instead of mine," Kirsten tried to argue. " Where did you say he was staying?"

Sandy looked sheepish.

"Actually I didn't. Truth is, I'm not sure. He called me and asked if I trusted him. And I _do_ trust him. Wherever he's staying, he's safe and he promised me he'd be back here first thing in the morning."

"I can't believe you didn't insist he told you where he was Sandy!"

"I figured I wasn't really in a position to insist upon anything Kirsten." Sandy answered, his anger and frustration with Kirsten beginning to return. "After how you yelled at him, I was surprised he even agreed to come back. This isn't like yelling at Seth you know. Seth's secure in his position in this family. Ryan's not. Just remember what Seth told us about Portland. Ryan would never have come back to us if Seth hadn't returned. He actually thought he had nowhere to go when Theresa kicked him out."

Kirsten looked downcast. She knew Sandy was right. She sighed. Tomorrow was going to be a very tricky day. Somehow, she had to convince Ryan of his place in their family, and that no matter what things were said in families in the heat of the moment, it didn't affect how people loved you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Seth sat sprawled on his bed, talking to Captain Oats. He had long ago given up any pretence that he would be able to sleep for quite a while. His head was buzzing with the events of the day, his mind constantly flitting from the scene in the kitchen to his talk with his father to meeting Ryan at the beach. He felt like he'd let everyone down because he hadn't managed to persuade Ryan to come home tonight. Maybe he never would, he thought gloomily. He felt bad for his mother, she had had a crappy Chrismukkah and his Grandfather had really screwed things up badly this time, but it was still Ryan he felt for the most. He remembered Ryan's words last Chrismukkah, _"Atwood and holidays, not a good combination. My holiday memories mainly consist of my Mom drunk and me getting my ass kicked…"_ Turned out, Cohen holidays were not much different.

His phone began to vibrate on the table beside his bed. He picked it up and flipped the cover.

"Hello?"

"Seth, it's me."

"Marissa?"

Seth swung his legs off the bed and sat up. Marissa never called. And it was eleven o'clock at night.

"Seth, listen. Ryan just showed up, at my house…."

"He did? Is he OK?"

"I think so. He doesn't know I'm calling. I just thought you'd want to know he's OK."

"Yeah, thanks. My Dad's trying to appear all calm and like he's in control of the situation but really he's flipping out. It's in the eyebrows," he quipped, but then, seriously "Listen, has Ryan said anything?"

"Come on Seth, this is Ryan we're talking about…"

"Yeah right….. brooding?"

"Lots of it…Anyway, Seth I have to go, I have a date with DJ and I'm already running late."

"You have a date at eleven o'clock? Isn't that a bit late? But hey, thanks for calling. My Dad'll appreciate it…"

Seth lay back on the pillows and debated. How come Ryan had ended up at the home of his ex-girlfriend who was also his sort of step sister, his surrogate mother's stepmother and the estranged father of his new girlfriend who was almost his aunt? He dragged himself off the bed and went in search of his father.

"Dad?"

Sandy looked up from his newspaper. His face looked suddenly very old, thought Seth.

"Dad, Marissa called. Ryan's there, at Grandpa's."

"He is? Well thank God he's somewhere relatively safe." Sandy visibly relaxed.

"Yeah, if you can count the house of a cradle robbing woman, her love rat husband and an alcoholic teenager as a safe place," Seth muttered sarcastically under his breath.

Sandy looked up confused.

"What did you say?"

"Um, nothing Dad. I'm off to bed. How's Mom?"

"She's gone back to sleep. At least if she wakes up again I'll be able to tell her Ryan's safe."

"Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"Do you think they'll be able to work it out, Mom and Ryan?"

Sandy ran his hand through his hair wearily.

"God I hope so. Your Mom admitted it wasn't really Ryan she was angry at…"

"But Ryan really thinks he's let her down…"

"I know. But I think he's also scared, scared that she's stopped caring about him. He equates that sort of anger with abandonment. After everything that happened with his mother, it's easy to see why."

Seth sighed. He couldn't even begin to comprehend what it must feel like to be abandoned by your family, but he knew they'd all have a long road ahead of them convincing Ryan that he wasn't being abandoned again.

Seth had been asleep for precisely one hour and forty five minutes when his phone began vibrating again.

"Doesn't anybody sleep in Newport anymore? It's almost one in the morning," he muttered as he fumbled to answer it.

"Hello"

"Seth?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"It's Lindsay…"

"Oh hi Lindsay," answered Seth, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Listen, if it's Ryan you want, I'm sorry but he's staying the night at my Grandpa's…you could try and call him there although he'll probably be asleep by now…"

"Your Grandpa's?" she asked warily.

Seth could have kicked himself. His grandpa, her father.

"Yeah…" he answered apologetically.

"He's staying at _Marissa's_ house then?"

Seth rolled his eyes. Sometimes he was such a dork.

"Yeah but…don't worry," he began to babble, "they're all about the friends thing now. I'm sure…"

Seth suddenly had the feeling that he had lost his audience.

The line had gone dead.

tbc


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Kirsten was awake early. She felt surprisingly clear headed considering the amount of red wine she'd drunk the previous evening, but her stomach was churning, reminding her of the day ahead. She felt like she was at the top of an extremely high diving board, waiting to jump off. If she got this wrong today, then she knew she could lose Ryan forever. Not physically maybe, she couldn't see him actually asking to leave, but definitely emotionally. She saw how he had distanced himself from his mother as a form of protection. Too many times he'd put his trust in her only to be let down time and time again. And recently, he'd put his trust in _her _and now she'd let him down too.

She got out of bed, leaving Sandy gently snoring, and took a shower. She knew Sandy had come to bed only in the early hours and she wanted him to sleep in. Besides, it would probably be easier to talk to Ryan without him hovering.

Ryan sat up with a start. Where the fuck was he? He looked around the room, vaguely disorientated. Hundreds of beady eyes bore down on him from Caitlin's pony posters. He remembered where he was. A glance at the clock told him it was almost nine thirty. So much for being back at the Cohens' first thing. By the time he'd gotten up and collected his bike from the pier, which he hoped desperately hadn't been trashed or stolen during the night, he'd be lucky if he were back by eleven.

He jumped up and pulled on his clothes. There was no time to shower, no time to eat, just time to be polite to Marissa and say "thanks"…

He knocked tentatively on her slightly ajar door. No answer. He pushed it open gently and looked in. No Marissa. She must have stayed over with DJ. Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. One less person to have to explain himself to. He pulled on his hoody and ran down the stairs, his footsteps echoing behind him. He wondered why Julie and Caleb chose this place. It was like a fucking morgue, cold, uninviting. The Cohens' house in contrast always felt warm, welcoming, despite its size. Even that first night, in the pool house, he'd felt it. He missed it, he realized, even after one night. Not just the pool house but the house itself. He wanted to be back there, part of the hustle and bustle of the morning, fighting with Sandy over the last bagel, eating cereal out of the packet, reading comic books at the table with Seth, answering Kirsten's questions about school. Despite what he had to face, he wanted to go home.

-

Kirsten sat outside by the pool, coffee in hand, trying to focus on the financial section of the morning papers. There was no sign of Ryan yet, despite Sandy's assurance that he would be back first thing. Seth appeared in his pajamas, eyes heavy with sleep, his hair askew.

"Is Ryan back yet?"

Kirsten looked up.

"No honey, I'm sure he'll be here real soon though." She smiled reassuringly.

She looked and sounded more confident than she felt.

"I'm just gonna take a shower then. Call me, as soon as he gets here!"

"Seth, I'd really like some time with Ryan alone…"

Seth looked pleadingly at his mother.

"I figured you'd say that. But Mom? Just, you know, be careful what you say…"

Seth was frustrated with his mother about yesterday and made no attempt to hide it. It had dawned on him that recently he'd lived with a permanent undercurrent of worry that Ryan would leave again and her actions yesterday had brought these worries bubbling to the surface.

"Seth! I have no intention of losing my temper like I did yesterday OK?"

Seth nodded impatiently.

"Well when you're finished, I really need to talk to him OK?"

"I'll make sure he comes to find you as soon as we're done, I promise!"

Satisfied, Seth went inside.

Kirsten looked down the driveway as she heard the sound of squealing bicycle brakes.

Ryan got off of the bike and pushed it up the driveway towards her.

"Hey" he muttered, as he came closer, eying her warily.

"Hey Ryan. Come and sit with me?"

He nodded and leaned his bike against the wall.

"Have you had some breakfast?"

"No, I woke up late, I didn't have time…" he explained.

"I'll get Rosa to bring out some bagels and coffee," Kirsten replied, getting up from the table. He nodded and sat down to wait.

Kirsten returned swiftly and sat down, pulling her chair across to face Ryan.

"I'm sorry," they both blurted out in unison.

They smiled at each other sheepishly.

"Wait, Ryan, this is not your fault. This is my fault. I should never have spoken to you like that," Kirsten began.

Ryan bit his lip.

"But if I'd just told you about me and Lindsay…."

Kirsten shook her head.

"You and Lindsay aren't the problem Ryan. I was angry with my father and I took it out on you."

Ryan looked up at Kirsten, surprised. Kirsten saw the look of confusion on his face. She hurried to explain.

"Ryan, you know how people say things they don't mean.._. I_ said things I didn't mean. I was shocked, yes, when I saw you and Lindsay together because, well, I wasn't expecting it and …"

"and you were worried Lindsay was, you know, going to end up like Theresa right? Because she was dating me?" He looked at her, almost defiantly, his eyes challenging her to disagree.

Kirsten looked at him puzzled for a moment.

"Oh God, Ryan, no!" She waved her hand dismissively, " I said that comment about last summer because I was angry and wanted to lash out, blame someone…blame someone for the fact I have a sister I knew nothing about," She added dryly. " I know you're not like that Ryan. I know this summer was really tough for you and it was unforgivable of me to throw it back like that in your face." She shook her head, frustrated with herself that she couldn't make it clear to him what she'd been angry about.

"Look Ryan, my dad's revelation has really, really hurt me. It's made me question lots of things about my family. And when I saw you with Lindsay, it just reminded me of what he'd done, and it got all confused in my mind, the idea that you may be dating my sister…and the thing is Ryan, I think of you like…well…like my own son."

Kirsten looked hesitantly at Ryan, anxiously scanning his eyes to see if she'd got through to him.

Ryan struggled to grasp what she was telling him. He wanted to believe her. More than anything, he wanted to. But doubt still lingered at the back of his mind.

"I thought you were angry at me for dating her, and for not telling you. I thought I'd blown it."

"Ryan, don't you realize how much you mean to us? To me?"

"I thought my mom loved me… and she told me to leave," he whispered.

Kirsten sucked in her lip as her eyes began to sting. She knew this wasn't easy for him. The look of vulnerability he gave her transported her back to that day last Fall when Dawn had left. She leaned over and took his hands in hers.

"Ryan, your mom does love you…" she began gently, "she loves you enough to let you live with us," she added simply.

He looked across at her, his eyes skeptical.

"I'm scared you'll ask me to leave…"

"Because of what I said?" Kirsten asked. He nodded and continued staring into his lap.

Kirsten sighed and took his face in her hands, forced him to look at her.

"Ryan, I'm not like your mom. I will never ask you to leave. I don't care how much you screw up or how much trouble you get in, you are a part of this family and you always will be. Remember what Sandy said? Nobody leaves this family twice. Besides," she added, joking, "can you imagine what Seth would do? Where would he end up next time, trying to sail to Japan and see Hailey?"

They both laughed at the thought of Seth's indignation if Ryan were ever asked to leave.

Kirsten became serious again.

"Ryan, I said things I should never have said to you. And if I'd said them to Seth or Sandy, they'd have been upset and rightly so, but eventually they'd have forgiven me and moved on, knowing that I didn't mean it, because that's what families do. I know it's harder for you Ryan but I hope you can do that too. So." She breathed in deeply, "….can you forgive me?" She looked at him apologetically.

Ryan swallowed and nodded, unable to meet her eyes.

"I guess I over reacted huh?" he whispered.

Relief flooded through Kirsten's body.

"Given the circumstances Ryan, no, I don't think you did and to be completely honest, I'm just glad you're home and you're safe. But next time, maybe hide out in your room instead? " She looked at him hopefully.

He gave her a lopsided smile and she got up and kissed him on the forehead.

"I can't promise to be the perfect mom Ryan, but I'll try my hardest, really I will."

He looked up at her shyly.

"I think you do a pretty good job…"

They smiled broadly at each other, relieved that they understood each other.

"By the way, there's a young man pacing his room, desperate to speak to you…"

Ryan smiled ruefully.

"Yeah, and after that I'm gonna have to go and apologise to Lindsay…"

"To Lindsay?" Kirsten queried.

"Yeah, I called in to see her last night. I was pretty drunk…" he added shamefaced.

Kirsten raised her eyebrows. Now was maybe not the time to lecture him on under age drinking.

"Well, good luck with that!"

"Thanks"

Ryan knocked on Seth's bedroom door.

"Come in"

Seth pulled the earpieces of his I-pod out quickly and swung his legs off the bed.

"Hey man, you're back."

"Yeah, but I only have a couple of minutes. I need to go and see Lindsay…"

"You do?" Seth wiped his hands nervously along his thighs.

"Yeah and hey, I'm sorry about last night. I should've come home with you."

"You definitely should have dude…"

Ryan frowned and glanced suspiciously at Seth.

"OK Seth. What's that supposed to mean? And why were you so keen to see me?"

"Can't a brother just really want to see his long lost sibling?" he answered hopefully.

"Seth. I've been gone less than 15 hours!"

"Yeah, right," he answered dismissively. " Actually, there _was_ something I needed to tell you."

Seth got up and thrust his hands into his pockets.

"What?" Ryan threatened.

"Uhh, Lindsay called." He tried to sound nonchalant but Ryan wasn't fooled.

"Lindsay called when?" interrogated Ryan. Seth couldn't actually bring himself to look at Ryan's face.

"Early hours…" he mumbled.

"What d'you tell her?"

Seth took a deep breath.

"I told her…I told her you were at Grandpa's.." He winced as he said it.

"You told her I was at Caleb's?"

Seth could almost see Ryan's brain ticking over, adding two and two and coming up with

eight.

"So what you actually told her was that I stayed at _Marissa's?_"

Seth's face looked pained.

"Dude, it was the middle of the night. I was sleeping. I didn't think…" he pleaded, his arms gesticulating wildly in defense.

Ryan sighed.

"How'd you even know I was there?"

"Marissa called. Figured Mom and Dad would be worried. Dude, I'm so sorry. I know Lindsay's insecure and everything. I guess I've really messed things up huh?"

Ryan sat down and breathed out heavily.

"Actually Seth, I can do that all by myself." he said glumly.

Seth raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"You can?"

Ryan sighed.

"After you left me on the pier last night, I spent most of that fifty dollars on beer…"

"And?"

Ryan kept his eyes firmly fixed on the floor.

"And then I called on Lindsay…"

"And…?"

"And I may have been a little…pushy."

He couldn't believe he was talking to Seth about this. It should be Seth discussing his sexual disasters with _him_, not the other way around.

"A little what Ryan?" Seth probed.

Ryan scowled. Seth smirked as realization dawned.

"Well then, I guess that explains why she put the phone down on me last night…she turned you down right? And now she thinks you ran off back into the arms, or should I say bed…of your ex girlfriend! Ouch!"

Ryan gave Seth the Atwood glare but Seth was still chuckling at his friend's predicament.

"I'm sorry man! I guess you'll be stopping off at the store for candy and flowers huh?"

Ryan shook his head despairingly.

"I'm not sure that's gonna work. She really has this hang up about Marissa. She's gonna take some convincing that me going there was completely innocent…"

Seth slapped him on the back.

"Cheer up buddy. If things don't work out, you'll always have me!"

Ryan gave Seth a weary look.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

-

He stood nervously on the doorstep, clutching candy in one hand and a large bunch of flowers in the other. Renee answered the door and eyed Ryan pityingly.

"She's in her room. But I don't know if she'll see you…"

Ryan smiled apologetically.

"You'd better come in," Renee jerked her head and held the door open.

"Just wait here…." She waved her arm towards the couch.

He nodded and sat down on the edge of the seat. Lindsay appeared a few seconds later, tucking her hair behind her ears as she walked over to him awkwardly. Her nose was red and swollen, her eyes sore. He stood up and thrust the flowers at her.

"Sorry?" he said, shifting uncomfortably.

"You think chocolates and flowers will make this better?" she sniffed.

"Look, last night I was drunk…"

Lindsay raised her eyebrows in a "tell me something I didn't know already" expression.

Ryan pressed on regardless.

"I'm sorry if I came over as …" he struggled for the correct words. "…mean or…aggressive…I …just wasn't handling things too well yesterday…"

She shook her head impatiently.

"It's not that Ryan. I felt sorry for you actually, but I just can't believe you went to _her_…why her Ryan?"

Ryan looked shame faced.

"It wasn't what you think…. I….I went there because I didn't have anywhere else I could go…I couldn't go back to the Cohens', I came here and…."

"Oh, so now it's my fault?" Lindsay interjected, her fury suddenly boiling over.

"I didn't say that!" he snapped back, defensively.

"You went to her because I wouldn't have sex with you. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Ryan took a deep breath and bit his lip.

"OK I guess I deserve that, but that's _not_ why I went there."

Lindsay gave him a withering look.

"You don't believe me?" he questioned, his voice becoming cold. This was all becoming horribly familiar territory.

She locked eyes with him.

"Ever since we started seeing each other, she's been like this cloud hanging over us. She's always at your house, she's always talking to you in the halls, asking you to help her with stupid jobs…."

"She's a friend, that's it. But if you don't get it, if you don't get how much I like you, then there's nothing else I can do. I _am_ sorry for last night, for coming over here drunk, but I won't keep apologizing. Take it or leave it." His mouth was set in a tight line. Lindsay hesitated. She'd never seen him mad like this.

"What did you do there?" she asked quietly. She couldn't help herself, she needed to know, otherwise it would just keep torturing her.

Ryan fixed her with a stare, still aggravated. He wanted to drop the whole sorry subject but when he saw her face he knew it was important to her. He relented.

"I had a shower, I went to bed, in her little sister's room. Marissa stayed out all night with DJ.," he answered curtly.

"Are you satisfied now?" he pursued.

Tears had begun trickling down Lindsay's face.

"I'm sorry Ryan…"

Ryan rolled his eyes in frustration with himself. He didn't want to make her cry. He didn't want to frighten her. Why did he always do this?

He moved over to her and touched her face gently, wiping away her tears with his thumb.

"Hey. Don't cry OK? I'm sorry I yelled.Shhh. It's OK."

He pulled her towards him, holding her tightly against his body and stroking her hair.

She smiled at him, the tears still falling. He smiled back at her and leaned in, pushing his forehead against hers. His lips brushed hers tenderly.

"I know I'm stupid," she sniffed, "but your yelling scares me."

"You're not stupid. I'm the stupid one," he contradicted, his face contrite.

"Shall we both be stupid together then?" she laughed as she buried her face in his shoulder.

"Sounds like a plan…" he answered as he took her chin in his hand and planted a warm kiss firmly on her lips.

The End

Thanks for the reviews. I found this last chapter really hard to write. I'm not sure why except that I didn't want Kirsten to be too goody goody. I think she's often written as more like that than she is in the show. And I'm sorry if the ending is too sappy for some. I feel I've glossed over Ryan's anger management issues.


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